This morning, Sienna looked up at me while we were watching TV in bed and quite innocently said ‘Mummy, why do you have a sore boobie’. This is the first time she has ever asked me that question. Quite a question from a 2 and a half year old. She’s a very bright child and amazes me every single day.
How do I answer?
Well, I was honest, I will always be honest with her. She’s looking at me with her beautiful hazel eyes. My response was, ‘Mummy found a naughty lump that was making me poorly, that’s why I had to have the operations, to remove the lump’
She looks, and replies, ‘is it all better now?’.
‘Yes darling, it’s all better now but mummy still has to go to hospital to have some medicine to make sure it’s gone for good’.
She looks at me again and softly strokes my face. My eyes start to well up, I’m holding back the tears. She’s seen me cry too many times over the last few months. She may be very young but she has a very good understanding that something isn’t quite right. She often comes up to me randomly, gives me a big hug or a pat on the head and says lovingly, ‘be brave mummy, be brave’.
When I went into hospital for my first operation, I was handed a book to read to Sienna when I felt the time was right. It’s called ‘Mummy’s Lump’ from Breast Cancer Care. It’s an illustrated children’s book which tells a story about diagnosis, going into hospital, treatment and hair loss.
As soon as I got handed the book and flicked through the pages I was reduced to tears. How can I read this to my precious child?! It was a gut wrenching feeling. 14 weeks have passed from when I received the book and I still haven’t been able to read it too her. In time I will, but not yet.