The waiting game

The weekend following my appointment at the health centre I went to Essex with my cousin and her daughter. As much as I enjoyed our weekend all I kept thinking about was this ‘lump’, I kept touching it to see if it was still there, of course it was. I managed to book an appointment with my GP for when we arrived back home on the Monday evening. I was examined again by my Doctor and she agreed with the Doctor who examined me on the Friday, I needed to be sent for an urgent scan. She said it was most probably a blocked milk duct due to being pregnant or a cyst that would need to be drained. She sent a referral and I was told I would receive an appointment for a scan and be seen within 2 weeks.

A few days passed and then came the appointment in the post for an ultrasound scan on my breast at the Horton General Hospital, sure enough it was bang on 14 days after the referral was sent. A long 2 weeks to wait and a lot of worrying and guessing as to what it could be.

I counted down the days to Tuesday 27th February. The day finally came, I dropped Sienna off at a friends and went along to the appointment with my mum. I was seen to on time by a consultant who again, examined me, told me the same as my Doctor, possibly a blocked milk duct or a cyst. I had started to believe these two outcomes I had heard them so many times. I mean, it couldn’t be cancer. Why would that happen to me?!

I got sent down to Radiology where I was waiting over 2 hours to be called in for the ultrasound. I said to my mum, I’ll go in on my own and if I need you I will call you in. I laid on the bed, a nurse either side of me and a Doctor who was about to do the scan. Naturally, talk turned to my pregnancy, then the Doctor started the ultrasound. She went straight over the lump, hovered there for a while then told me she needed to do a biopsy. A biopsy? My response was, ‘Its not a blocked milk duct then?’, to which she replied, ‘no, its definitely not a milk duct, its a hard mass but I’m not too sure what it is so I need to take some samples’.

She started reeling off the procedure but all I could think about was I wanted my mum in the room. The last thing I expected to happen there and then was to be having a biopsy. The nurse called my mum in, to which alarm bells started ringing for her, as well as myself.

The procedure was only about 10 minutes. It wasn’t pleasant but it was bearable. When the Doctor had taken the 3 samples she needed she told me I would hear something either way in 1 week. A WEEK!!!!! Another bloody week I had to wait to find out what the ‘lump’ was!

I left the room and started walking up the corridor, all of a sudden a wave of emotion flooded over me and I burst into tears. What the hell was going on? I was in shock from needing a biopsy. I made a few phone calls on the way back to the car and I pretty much got the same shocked response from my husband, dad and sister. What is this ‘lump’?

Over the next few days I had a sore and very bruised boob, along with feeling worried about receiving the biopsy results. I was also feeling quite anxious as my husband Carl, was going on a stag do in Barcelona on the Friday-Monday. I didn’t want to be on my own with this grey cloud hanging over me.

Friday morning Carl had left early for the airport and I was getting ready for the health visitor to come for Sienna’s 2 year check. While she was here my phone rang, I answered, it was an automated phone call asking me to confirm I was able to attend an appointment on Friday 9th March at the Breast Clinic, Horton General Hospital. An automated phone call? Now panic started to kick in, another week to the day of receiving the phone call before I got the biopsy results.

The longer this was going on the more I started to worry it was something more serious. I tried to keep myself busy over the weekend while Carl was away but all I could think about was the biopsy results. Sunday evening it all got the better of me, Sienna was in bed and I was on my own in the living room, thinking the worst. I couldn’t wait till the following Friday to find out if all this worry and upset was necessary or not, especially being 21 weeks pregnant. It wasn’t good for me or the baby.

On Monday morning I rang my GP and asked for the Doctor who referred me for the scan to call me back. While Sienna was at pre school, I went for breakfast with my sister and two of our friends. Conversation turned to the biopsy results and everyone was trying to convince me it would be nothing to worry about, or this was the outcome we all wanted.

On the way back to my car after breakfast, my Doctor called me, I told her what’s been going on and that I was getting very stressed out at the thought of waiting till Friday to receive the results. She said she would try and find out what’s going on but wasn’t promising anything and said I would most probably have to wait to be seen on Friday.

That evening I receive another phone call from an unknown number, the breast service, a lady asking if I was able to go to hospital the following morning to have a mammogram. Again, I’m left confused, why did I need a mammogram. I’ve had an ultrasound scan and a biopsy, surely that’s enough to find out what this ‘lump’ was?

Again, more worry and emotion sets in. Carl came home that evening and I’ve never been so glad to see him.

What was tomorrow going to bring…

Danielle x


9 thoughts on “The waiting game

  1. Danielle Grant says:

    I can just imagine how you were feeling whilst waiting for those results in limbo. I know how much my family find a similar waiting game difficult. Such touching writing Danielle, You’re not alone darling xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Danielle Standen says:

      Thanks Danielle. It’s horrible waiting, your minds in turmoil and you just want to know either way don’t you. Had a nice chat with your mum the other day. Such a lovely lady who doesn’t deserve this at all! Xx


  2. Lizzie Richmond says:

    So saddened to read this, but written so nicely. Thinking of you. Mum tells me when she bumps into you and you mum! Always love hearing up dates. Much love. X

    Liked by 1 person

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